Bad news.

Today I found out that my Grandma Doris has Leukemia. This is so hard for me to share and I beg your patience and allow me to just go on for a while so I can maybe wrap my head around it and get a handle on myself, I just don't know how to take it or what to do. This explains why she has been sick the last while, long while. She never really fully recovered from her second heart surgery and has fallen a couple of times, such instances have left her anemic and just so weak that a hospital stay and rehabilitation was required for what we all typically have, the common cold. Now having her move in with her son doesn't seem like such a bad idea in theory. If they had only been nice to her while she was well and had a real relationship with her then instead of trying to cram one in now. If only. They all had a meeting in which Doris wanted my Mom to be in attendance, they not so politely reminded her that we, my family, are not family. Our only real connection was that of my Fathers brother, my Uncle Rolf and his daughter with my Aunt Susie. Well both my uncle and cousin have passed on and so there is no real string attached. That was so nice of them to point out what is clear in their eyes every time I see them. They talk about all of us as a nice big happy family when in practice we are the outsiders looking in. Earlier today I seriously wished that when my Grandma Reid died that we never would have started going to this so called "family dinner" and never gotten to know any of them. I would have seen them at the two above mentioned funerals, and that of my Grandma Keddington, but that would have been all. I wouldn't feel what I am feeling at this moment and I wouldn't loath the people that didn't value the life of my Grandma Doris. I know that is an outrageous statement for me to even think. I love her and I am grateful for all of the things she has taught and given me. She was the grandma that came to my baptism and to my confirmation. She was the grandma that loved me as a grandchild should have been loved, with out question or consequence. I am proud to say that I know her and have shared in her life these many years, now they seem few in number, but have been wonderful. Now she is not dead of course but the cure for leukemia is a bone marrow transplant and they are not going to do one on a 80 something year old woman who hasn't been in good health for some time now. I don't know. I just don't know.